Faith and Wisdom

For Christ did not send me
to baptize but to proclaim the gospel, and not with eloquent wisdom, so that the
cross of Christ might not be emptied of its power. 18For the message about the
cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved
it is the power of God. 19For it is written, ‘I will destroy the wisdom of the
wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.’ 20Where is the one
who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God
made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since, in the wisdom of God, the
world did not know God through wisdom, God decided, through the foolishness of
our proclamation, to save those who believe. 22For Jews demand signs and Greeks
desire wisdom, 23but we proclaim Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and
foolishness to Gentiles, 24but to those who are the called, both Jews and
Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25For God’s foolishness
is wiser than human wisdom, and God’s weakness is stronger than human strength.
26Consider your own call, brothers and sisters: not many of you were wise by
human standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27But God
chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in
the world to shame the strong; 28God chose what is low and despised in the
world, things that are not, to reduce to nothing things that are, 29so that no
one might boast in the presence of God. 30He is the source of your life in
Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and
sanctification and redemption, 31in order that, as it is written, ‘Let the one
who boasts, boast in the Lord.’ ~ 1 Corinthians 1:17-31

First off I want to say that I think it is extremely important to get a quality education. I know that I was enriched and challenged by my classes at ENC. The religion department seems to be well rounded in the diffrent fields of the Christian faith and in the Nazarene tradition. With all that said, I still wrestle in intense agony over the issues of faith and wisdom.
Last week the daily office (lectionary) had readings from 1 Corinthians. The first chapter which I have a block quote from continued to make me wrestle with trying to find the common ground that would sit somewhere between all my theories and ideas about God, Trinity, Church, etc., with the faith that is loaded with foolish love and self-sacrifices for God. I think that in my readings and own thinking I often fall into a trap of trying to define God, tyring to figure out how God works. And making God merely academic, relying on the little wisdom I have often makes me an atheist on many days. Some of you may need to catch your breath that I might have said on some days I feel like an atheist. There are days when I am so challenged by what I think is wise I lose my faith, I place too much onto wisdom.
Paul seems to be saying that God is above humans best abilities of wisdom. Often when things seem to fit into a certain structure of what God is, God flips it upside down, allows human kind to nail the incarnate on a cross as a criminal, a sinner against God, how can God be against God?
Monday night when I listened to Elie Wiesel talk about "why pray?" I hear and see a man who has witnessed the most perverted humanity ever, the Holocaust. Wiesel speaks about pray being the human expression to God, giving God praise and glory, or protesting God's movement, seeking help in times of despair. He also spoke of when the Prophet Jeremiah said it was God's fault that Jerusalem had been destroyed. In the days of the Holocaust many Jews and Christians saw an absence of God, a dead God. I would wonder how any young man at the age of 15 could ever again believe in God, much less pray, and Wiesel says that he prayed with his father in that camp, and if he can pray in that camp, why shouldn't he pray today?
I may have botched up the descriptions of what I heard in that lecture, but through that lecture those things stood out. Why faith? Why Pray? Wiesel seemed to answer it on tradition, if his father could do it in the camp, so he could. Thats a fine answer. But what was there to worth praising God about when you lived in Hell? I wrestle through these issues leaning on my wisdom. What I fail to do is lean on them on faith, like Wiesel seems to say. "If we could pray in that camp why shouldn't I know?" is a faith statement that declares that God is still the sovereign Lord who deserves the worship of humans in the good and bad times.
As hard as I try I can't answer the tough questions of theodicy. The gap is faith, something that seems very foolish.

This post contains thoughts I'm wrestling with and will be going back and forth on, I'm not pleased with how this post ended, I think I could use some questions to get my thought lines moving on some of the many directions I have gone on tonight.